Had dinner with my entire family tonight. Have I told you about them yet? I know I’ve mentioned mom who is my right hand, but have I mentioned Dad and Uncle Harry?

Here, lemme share some DC family history. Okay, Dad and mom drive each other nuts–they HATE living together, but are still married. Yep–fifty some odd years now. However, mom lives with me and dad lives with his brother Uncle Harry in a swinging bachelor pad called–pigsty

Yes, that’s right–they do NOT share space–probably because they’d suck each other’s life force up if they did–or, mine. When we decided to move to TX, my dad said he didn’t want my sons to have to be driven nuts by Uncle Harry–a man who thinks the cat litter box is a tape recording device for the CIA AND Interpol. Yeah, he’s had more lucid moments, no doubt. My dad really loves being free to watch the Weather Channel all day without mom bugging him, so he made that Uncle Harry thing up. LMAO

Actually, Uncle Harry is our family nutso, but I gotta love a guy who can spar with my mother and make her red in the face. He slays me. Uncle Harry calls me “good lookin’” OR “hot tamale”, cuz he doesn’t know my name and can’t remember it. Tee hee.

Alright, so like I said, I’m adopted and I don’t say that because they’re all a bunch of nuts I kid myself into thinking I’m not like because they’re crazy–they’re just a diff kind of crazy than me. Most times, they don’t get my jokes. Nor do they want to. Yet, they love me just the same and I DID win forty titles as a BQ for the family trophy display, ya know? LOLLOL

Sooooo, we are much different in many ways, but I adore them nonetheless.They adore me too–so they took me out for my birthday a day early. We had dinner at a restaurant called Love and War in TX.

OY.

So, the evening begins like this–Mom and me and kids arrive in one car–dad and Uncle Harry in another. We meet in the parking lot and Dakota scoots off to get a table for six. Dad bursts through the door and envelopes Dakota in a big ‘ole bear hug and says, “Hello, princess! You don’t look a day over twenty-five. Isn’t she pretty, Harry?”

Uncle Harry smiles lasciviously and nods–he really doesn’t know I’m his niece most days. LOLLOL

Dad says, “Where’s that young man of yours? You know,” nudge-nudge, wink, wink, “the new beau?”

I say, “I didn’t know he was invited, daddy, otherwise, I’d have told him.”

Dad smiles and winks. “Any young man who can make my pretty smile the way your mom tells me he does, can have dinner on me anytime.”

Double OY.

Hookay–so we sit and dad wants to know all about R. I give up the info with ease because I know daddy can’t hear most of what I say because the music is a smidge loud. I tell him how R and I bang all night long and daddy smiles and says, “I’m so happy for you, princess.”

See what I mean? Deaf.

Meanwhile the nice young boy comes to take our order as my sons snicker behind their hands because this is where the fun begins. Ordering is a HUGE event because neither of my parents can hear and my Uncle always forgets his glasses. I read, repeat, read some more, repeat what I read three times ago, mediate, and again FRICKEN’ REPEAT while trying to keep track of five people–what they ordered–what kind of salad dressing–how they like their steaks cooked and reminding my sons to say please and thank you.

Mom–they have shrimp as an appetizer.
Dad–who wants a ship for an appetizer?
Dakota–no, daddy they have SHR-IMP. Ya know, like the kind that swim? (See Dakota do the backstroke).
Dad–Ahhhh, fish. I want shrimp then.
Waiter–Sir, what would you like to drink?
Dad–Got any sweet tea?
Waiter–No, Sir. Just unsweetened.
Dad–I’ll have the sweet tea, then.
Dakota–No, Daddy. It’s unsweetened. (See Dakota and her sons hold up the packets of sugar and make the sign of the cross).
Dad–Ahhhhh, then I’d like water.
Dakota–smiles at the poor waiter–ten minutes into our visit to his illustrious establishment and mouths–forgive us.

Round Two–Appetizers

Dad–Princess, what would you like for an appetizer?
Dakota–No, thanks, Daddy. I’m good.
Dad–Princess, you need to eat.
Dakota–Daddy, I DO eat. Look at my thighs–they could feed a small country.
Uncle Harry–Better yet, let me look at your thighs.
Mom–Harry! Mind your manners!
Uncle Harry–who says I can’t appreciate the beauty of a woman?
Dad–because she’s your NEICE.
Uncle Harry–Ahhhhhh, well she still has nice thighs.
Dakota and sons–ROFLOL

Round Three–Ordering Dinner

Mom–what do you suggest, sweetheart?
Dakota–I dunno, Mom. Whatever you’d like.
Mom–Darling, you’ve been on lots and lots of dates. Surely you’ve been here on one?
Dakota–No, mom. I’m not that much of a slut. Mostly it was just coffee I had when I dated.
Mom–How could you be in a rut so early in your relationship with R?
Dakota–BIG SIGH. Mom, I’ve only been here a couple of times. I had the brisket with R. Try that.

Round Three and a half–Dinner is served

Mom–Oh, this is pretty what is it–
Dakota–MOM! No, don’t put that in your mouth it’s a jalep–
Mom–Chugalugs water, fans self with napkin, looks accusingly at Dakota. It’s HOT. Why didn’t you tell me?
Boys and Uncle Hary–ROFLOL
Dakota–Jalepeno pepper. They’re very hot…
Dad–what kind of a place tries to burn your tongue off? Pats mom on back.
Waiter–is everything alright?
Mom–sputters.
Boys and Uncle Harry–LOL
Dad–demands bread from nice waiter boy–still patting mom on back.
Dakota–(before all hell breaks loose). Could we please have some bread? mom had an accident.
Dad–Princess, you’re not eating.
Dakota–wipes sludge from ribs off her mouth with her hand and burps. Am too…
Dad–Princess, that’s not enough to keep a bird alive.
Boys–(simultaneously) she has to watch her THIGHS
Dakota--sighs and burps again (delicately, of course) Shoves next rib in mouth–K, daddy.
Uncle Harry–Blows nose and looks at it. (What is that anyway?). Wow, that’s suuuummm hot sauce.
Dakota–Yes, Uncle Harry. That’s why it’s called Three alarm fire Hot sauce. Here, have a napkin to wipe your eyes.
Uncle Harry–winks and smiles. How about YOU do that for me, hot stuff?
Boys and Dad–ROFLOL
Mom–Harry? If I have to tell you once more to BEHAVE…
Dakota–ROFLOL. Whispers to Uncle Harry–I think she means it, Uncle Harry…Shhh, or she’ll call the CIA and rat yer butt out.

Round Four–Happy Birthday, Princess!

Uncle Harry–open your card there, girlie.
Dakota–(hesitantly) Hookay…opens card and giggles.
Mom–Harry, if there’s something in there that’s naughty–
Dakota and Boys–ROFLOAO.
Dakota–No, it’s very sweet, Mom. It says he wants to date me, see?
Dad–Mate with you? Harry, you better not have said–
Dakota–DADDY! I was kidding. He didn’t really say that…
Mom and Boys–ROFLOL
Uncle Harry–(ducking) For God’s SAKE, Chief–I’d never say such a thing. She’s my NEICE!Dad–Do you want dessert, princess?
Mom and Uncle Harry and boys–It’s not good for her thighs…
Mom–How about we tell mom why we think she’s so special. Let’s take turns
Dakota–OY
Dad–because she’s my princess. Isn’t she gorgeous? (asks waiter)
Dakota–OY
Waiter–absolutely, Sir. Smiles politely and scurries away, praying big tip follows.
Mom–because she’s beautiful and has a good heart and she pays the mortgage.
Dakota–ROFLOL
Number One Son–Cuz she’s down wit rap and she hangs out wit me.
Number Two Son–Um, she makes good brownies?

Well, it’s true–I DO make good brownies

Alas, another birthday massac–er, dinner was survived by all.

Did I mention I’m not much of a drinker?

Could we book AA for me so next year I’ll have advanced seating? LOLLOL

Honest, I love my folks and as nuts as a night out with them makes me, I so appreciate the love, support and never ending help they give me. AND I love crazy Uncle Harry (just not that way). LMAO

DC

Okay, so we’ve established that Dakota is in love, yes? Head over heels, stupid and breathlessly in love.

See me wipe the sweat from my brow. Tee hee

We’ve also established that I suck at verbal expression like a Hoover vacuum cleaner, yes? Further, we’ve established that R is VERY good at verbal expression and even better at dragging me along with him.

He did say I love you first, right? I would have been fucked and feathered before I’d said it first–that took guts. I knew he’d fallen in love with me. I knew I’d fallen in love with him, it was just a matter of time before the words were spoken. So I waited like any good hunter would do whilst they snare small prey. LOLLOL. I’m kidding, of course. Nevertheless, he said it first.

He still says it FIRST.

The key word here is first. So I gotta ask ya, WTF is my problem? Why is saying the words, now that they’ve been spoken and confirmed, so damn scary for me? Honest to GOD, it’s like walking a tightrope every single time for me and I don’t get it. My throat closes up, my cheeks get flushed and my stomach does this Mary Lou Retton somersault off the parallel bars.

I hardly ever told the ex. When he’d say it, I’d smile and think, that’s nice. Probably because I didn’t believe it–and I was right not to. LOL. But I KNOW R loves me. I KNOW I love him. I know this as well as I know that tomorrow will come or another flame war on a Yahoo group will happen. I know him almost as well as I know myself. Same brain, same thoughts, same wavelength.

I’d love to freely speak the words now, thank you very much. I think it a lot. I thought it just last night at the movies when he had popcorn butter all over his lips and he leaned over to kiss me, smooshing the butter onto my lips. It cracked me up. His ability to make me laugh is almost what I love most about him.

I say almost, because there are a zillion things I love about him. I love that he talks TO me, not at me. I love that he does the Dr. Phil voice when I’m having a good freak and therapies me out of my shit with a soothing, “Bunny…” I love that no matter where we are, even when we go to Circuit City to buy a fricken’ TIVO, he holds my damn hand or has his arm around me. He smooches me publicly too. Not all pornographic like, but nonetheless, he’s never very far from me. He seems to care little about anything else other than that we’re together. I love that R is also very good at making me feel like I’m the only woman on earth. He does that with an ease I haven’t quite grasped yet. Sometimes, it’s almost like there isn’t anyone else, even when we’re with a bunch of techie nerds in a freakin’ electronics store.

I love that he’ll drop everything to come and rub my back when I feel like shit. I love that he snuggles with me and has no ulterior motive but the snuggle. I love that he’ll kiss me until the cows come home because he knows that’s my most favorite thing to do. I love that he tells me everything he likes about me. He never keeps how he feels about what I look like on a particular date, or that he likes kissing me to himself. He’s a good sharer.

I love that he’s as consistent as daybreak in his thoughts, actions and words. I love that he’ll stop me in the middle of the movie parking lot to get a kiss from me. I love that he sticks up for my sons even when I won’t because they’re boys and he’s one too–so he understands. LOL. I love that he’ll talk on the phone with me for hours and even if we say nothing while we’re watching TV, it’s a comfortable silence shared with one another because we really dig hanging out together.

I love that each and every time I see him, my heart does that stupid thumping thing in my chest. I love that it happens when he IM’s and calls too. I love that he isn’t ashamed to admit he feels the same way. I love that he smiles as me all moony eyed and he can get me to return the favor just as moony.

I especially love that he knows I come with some baggage and he overlooks it, works around it, plows through it. I love that he talked me into this nutty escapade with as many positives as I had negatives and he did it without yelling–not even once. LOL. I love that he’s patient with me when I could genuinely try the patience of Job. I love that I can’t remember what we did before we found each other because it means we haven’t trashed each other’s lives–we’ve enhanced them. I love that he takes the lead and let’s me follow lamely behind in this whole relationship thing because my example of a relationship is so skewed. I love that he fulfills me, but doesn’t consume me.

So after all that, you’d think I’d have no trouble with the words–I LOVE YOU. Yet, I do. I have loads of trouble with eye contact too. I tell my sons everyday. I tell my mom. I tell my friends–so what the hell?R says it’s cute the way I choke on the words.

I say, words often times need to accompany actions. How much Chocolate Chip Mint ice cream can ya give a guy to say I love you?

So, I’m going to work on it. Blogging seems to be my form of therapy as of late–hence, here I am, laying all my crap out in a public forum.

Now, I’m going to go and practice saying it out loud in the mirror and making eye contact.

I’m going to get so damn good at it–even my mail lady will know I love her. LOL

Dakota