Lawd almighty–who knew these damned things were so freakin’ popular?

I can tell you, I sure as hell didn’t. I had few choices on what to get my man for Xmas–he loves Motocross and all electronic gadgets. Short of a flat screen plasma TV, my choices were few.

The obvious choice was the Nano I-Pod. The newest version that’s so tiny, you could make earrings out of it if you had a pair.

Good luck finding ONE, never mind a pair.

So, a week before I’m due to go to MI with R, I go to Best Buy. I’ve wracked up some serious rewards points and I want a Nano with them. I skip on in there, not a care in the world and ask for my Nano. Well, apparently, so did the rest of the universe just ten minutes prior to me. All 100 of them were snatched up in a buying frenzy.

Hookay–that’s fine, just fine. I’ll go to Fry’s. Again, unaware and blissfully ignorant, I ask for the Nano…The nice sales boy looks at me as if I’ve asked him what aisle ovaries are in–er, no Nano. I’m starting to wonder if this thing is like the Holy Grail. I’ve never seen anyone with one, but I hear a lot of talk about it, I know it exists. It’s becoming almost biblical in myth and proportion to me.

But still, it’s okay. I can go to Comp USA. Surely there, I’ll find a Nano.

HAH!

No Nano.

Now, from each of these stores I’ve been told that regular shipments are coming in, they’re just sporadic and you should call and check each day to see if some have arrived. So I do that. ALL FREAKIN’ WEEK LONG. I call faithfully everyday and ask if new Nano’s have arrived. Towards the end of the week, I even began to play a game with myself and I would call in ten minute intervals and use different accents to ask about the Nano so they wouldn’t think I was the same person, stalking them. Each call it was the same.

I am laughed at, taunted, mocked. Sure, they’ve arrived and gone– slicker than snot runs out of a kids nose.

My editor brings up a good point about mid-week. Why not try the Apple Store online–well, yeah, why not? Duh. I felt like a total stupidhead. So I do. Try the Apple store online, that is and they are shipping in TWO weeks from time of purchase. I’m TWO days from going to MI. This is no good. Yes, I could get a rain check kinda gift and R could have had it when he got back, but I don’t want to do that, she whined. I want him to be able to play with it on the plane on the way home…

The day before we’re due to leave, I call Best Buy again and this time I say, “Who do I gotta blow to get me a Nano?” Cuz really, I’m willing to offer sexual favors at this point. This Nano quest has become like an Indiana jones type adventure for me and I’m going to kick the temple of Dooms ASS.

Um, no. No, I’m not kicking or blowing anyone or anything. NO NANO. There were times when I would get the heads up from them via phone call. We just got some, they’d say. I’d rush over there, only to find that other’s who’d near camped out in the store had beaten me to them.

I am NOT HAPPY.

So I give in and buy R a gift certificate at Best Buy for the amount of the Nano–with tax included so he’s not banged for it at the time of purchase.

Fuckers.

However, it beats nothing, yes? he can get it later when we get back from MI. I’m defeated, deflated, disappointed, but not dead.

Later, on the very day I give in and buy the gift cert versus the real thing, R calls.

and it went like this–”Hey, Bun! Guess where I am?”
“Hi, honey! Where are you?”
“The Apple store.”
“Er, really? And what are you doing at the Apple store, punkin’?” Sonofabitch. How dare he go to a store I didn’t know existed, is what I’m thinking.
“I’m looking at the roped off area with all the NANO’S in it.”
Okay, so now, I’m rolling around on the floor and biting my tongue–fighting the urge to knock the phone against my desk in exasperation and in the midst of my hissy, I wonder if he’s going to buy a nano. I swear on all things Apple, I’ll fricken’ KILL HIM. However, I maintain and gather my fury, tuck it away and say, “Really, honey? How interesting...”
He tells me he really wants to buy one–I shudder and bit my lip because if he buys one, I’ll see him in the bowels of HELL.

R shares that he’d love one and it’s tempting, but he did just buy a new mini motocross bike and he’s shot his wad for awhile.

PHEW–see me sigh in relief.

However, why didn’t it occur to me to look for a damned Apple STORE in the physical sense, rather than online???

This from a woman who stalked the evil Internet empire better known as Yahoo, found someone to answer her questions, insisted they fix my problem and beat the system.

I truly am what an enigma is all about. I’m an odd dichotomy of resourceful, yet pathetically not in the know.

OY

R has his I-pod now. He ended up using some Xmas money to buy it because Best Buy STILL doesn’t have them and he’s going to buy all the cute chachkie’s that go with it with his BB gift cert. He bought the damned thing at the Apple store.

Nontheless–he’s been Nano’d by me. Now that’s LOVE I see a very nice sweater, I’m kinitting myself in R’s Xmas future next year. LOLLOL

Dakota

Hookay, so I’m back and I had a lovely, if not chilly time in MI. I reeeeaallly loved the cold weather. I shivered, I shook, I undoubtedly thought warm thoughts, but it was so great to have to wear my cute new coat and boots

Sooooo, let’s see. How can I describe Xmas with a bunch of people that are just like R? LOL. It’s like hanging out with similar versions of the original. Everyone has a wise ass remark–everyone can make you laugh at least once.

They have no shame in talking about anything and I do mean anything. I’d tell ya what anything was, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. it would mean I’d have to reveal a part of me you really do NOT need to know about. Snort. It was the source of much fodder for them and for me, it involved a cleansing of my entire, freakin’ intestinal track. LOLLOL

There was much food to be had during the course of our stay, leading right up to the Xmas Eve feast–R’s sister is an awesome cook and we had this appetizer called Shit on a Shingle.

I, personally, could have been happy to have that and ONLY that for the entire feast on Xmas Eve. It’s ground beef and ground sausage cooked together with a bit of Oregano and garlic salt, then you throw in some Velveeta cheese and mix it up. Slap it on little rye toast squares and cook it in the oven.

Oh, happy day is this stuff ever YUMMY. I was tempted to snatch the plate, but thought maybe, seeing as it was my first official gathering of the R’s, it might appear gluttonous–so I refrained, but it took everything I had in me not to My back nine and thighs are very grateful.

I totally have a couple of special favorites in R’s family. He’s got the cutest ever niece and a BIL I’ll call DB who cracks me up. DB and I did a bit of kitchen duty together and he gave me a FAB recipe for quiche Lorraine. DB cooks and cleans and shops. He’s mostly pretty quiet, but when we did clean up duty–DB got snarky and I like that in a guy. He also makes a kick ass brandy and egg nog.

Anyway, I met all of his family this time ’round. He has four brothers and a sister–all very nice. I met his nieces and nephews and assorted SIL’s. I have to say, their all kinda spooky nice, ya know? Like really nice and they all said they’d heard sooooo much about me. I was a little afraid of what they might have heard–so I shut my yap and smiled all nice like, preparing to refute all charges

No telling what R may have slandered me with. LOLLOL

We spent part of our time at his sisters and the next half at his mom’s. R’s mom is the cutest woman ever. I swear, she’s beyond nice and not at ALL like the kind of mom I am. Had it been my sons new girlfriend in my kitchen with me–we’d have gone ’round about her intentions. Then, we’d have gone ’round again just so she knew who was boss. But not R’s mom–she’s as sweet as the day as long–can totally take a joke and wants to read the book R helped me plot.

See Dakota cringe, then, see her cringe again, cuz it has some DIRTY words. I told her that, but she paid no mind to my blustering. She wants me to send it. I say okay and FULLY expect never to be invited to sit at the R table again. I’ll be in the corner with the potty mouths, thank you. LMAO

We bowled with R’s HS friend and his girlfriend. I am proud to say, I SUC at bowling. I scored a 34–yes, I did and I ain’t ashamed to admit it. Well, I am a little, but I figured I’d better be truthful because R will out me anyway. LOL

We also had Coney Island hot dogs–A LOT. R had them almost every day we were there and I had some with him. OY–were they good. Almost like the ones in NY. I also had this thing called Pizzapopolis (sp). Holy thick and gooey. It was awesome.

So, all in all I had a really great holiday. R and I didn’t even have a fight. Not one. Six solid days of DC and R, 24/7 and nothing. We didn’t even fight at the airport over luggage.

I don’t know what this means. Surely we’ve gone askew? I really expected us to snarl at least a little. He didn’t even get mad because I snored like a truck driver. Not once.

‘Course, he hasn’t called me since we got back on Wednesday…

LOLLOL–I’m kidding

So, many thanks to R’s family and R, who made Xmas a much more pleasant event than it’s been in years and for keeping me from dwelling on the fact that my boys were gone and it was our first Xmas apart.

Dakota