K, so tomorrow my honeybunch and I are going to see the Aspen, live and in person. If you’ll recall, this is the name of the model home R is planning to build once he sells his bigger house.

Now, if you’ll also recall, this is the model home he oft refers to when he mentions our future. It’s also the model home I found myself confessing to thinking about living in with him, like the dumb ass, big mouth I am. OY.

So, today, I look at the model home online again and I get a little tingle. It’s really cute and 3000 sq ft smaller than what I live in now. I could probably clean it entirely in an hour or less. Whatever will I do with the extra time on my hands.

There’s always UNO. LOLLOL

R often says, when we talk about the Aspen, the word “we”. We can do this or we can do that. We can move the fireplace for more room. We can paint whatever color you like, Bun.

We.

I’m not much afraid of that word anymore, though I will admit hesitation about making plans for the future. My future was once mapped out for me. I was going to be married and retire with a person I once thought I loved. I was rock solid on that front and well, that didn’t quite work out, did it? LOLLOL.

Now, I’ll grant you this, I love R waaaay more than I ever did the ex, in a very different, freeing way. It’s far more mature and we definitely have a much better start than I ever did with the ex. We haven’t even had our first fight yet and he’s my most fav peron in the whole, wide world to hang out with. I never tire of him. I always laugh with him and no matter the situation, stressful or not, we manage to figure it out. Maybe because we think so much alike. I was bored and tired of the ex, month six. You’d think I’d have had a clue. Nontheless, we did have plans and we were going to retire and all that stupid crap, that is until he retired in other places. LOL

So, what I’m saying is, I’ve planned far in advance once before, only to have it kinda yanked out from under me. Of course, the yanking was what brought me R. So, I’m torn because I’m grateful I finally know what the real stuff is and I have a guy as totally perfect as R is and that I figured out who I am. But I worry that if I keep getting these stupid warm fuzzies over our future, I’m jinxing myself. Retarded, I know, but there was a time that I would have never believed the ex would do what he did, ya know? Things change–people change, promises were made to be broken in many cases.

Yet, I’m kinda excited. The Aspen represents a lot of things to me and obviously, to R too. It represents a time when we can be together, just us. It represents a blending of our lives together. It represents the END of bachelorhood for R. Snort. It represents the closet he’ll never have any space in, cuz I got a lotta clothes and shoes. LOL

So I’m spending a lot of time trying to keep stuff in persepctive, but I drift. It’s the drifting that should worry me. Yet, most times, it doesn’t. I keep in mind that, NOTHING and I do mean NOTHING could ever be as horrible as my divorce was. I survived. My sons survived. No one can ever do that to me again, because I’m not afraid of much anymore and I can take care of myself. Like I said, not much scares me.

‘cept maybe never making it to the Apen.

OY–OY–OY.

Did I just say that? LOLLOLLOLLOL

Dakota

I had a sad moment today. I went to a blog I often visit. One I visit because it once had some pretty funny stuff going on. However as of late, it seems to have become uber critical and a bit full of itself.

No, I don’t mean the inspirational ladies blog. That’s a given. LOLLOL

I was sad because at one time, it seemed the snarks were intermingled with some life lessons and stuff, but as it’s grown in popularity, the sole purpose seems to be critical of nearly everything and everyone. It’s lost its heart for me and there once was one. Now, it’s just about stuff that’s got this mean overtone. Like it’s gone out of it’s way to over-snark for the laughs, ya know? Sometimes, being so critical isn’t necessarily funny as it is kinda, well, critical and above all, insecure. Picking at every small detail in life can be so trite and droll and today, it finally got to me. It also began to irritate me that so many people sorta jump on the snark-wagon and picked fun too.

Less than perfect people, agreeing with a less than perfect blogger, I’m sure. It’s the HS/bully theory and the gang of people who help the bully gather round, thus making up the crowd the bully so craves.

Lame.

Nonetheless, it depressed me a bit. So I think I have to say goodbye for fear I might snark back and upset the apple cart, something we all know I avoid. It was a staple for me for a time. All good things must come to an end, eh?

But it doesn’t make me less depressed about it because I miss the fun it once was. A little controversy, mingled with a little lighthearted snark.

And NO, Jaynie, I’m not telling you what blog it is. LOLLOL

it’s MY secret. Just give me poor babies cuz the joy in my blogging world has lessened some.

(sniff)

Dakota