Soooooo–home from RT. I have much to report. This might be long–set aside at least two days and some no-doze in order to read

I hooked up with my BFF’s, Teri, Renee George, Michele Bardsley, Jaynie Ritchie, Jose, Da Nanchez, Trish, Robin, Lori and Space (the married couple in our group), better known as the double chin crew (I swear, every pic of us has 12 double chins in it. Tee hee) and we set out for a quiet, demure, uneventful con.

Oh, hush–don’t be such skeptical weenies.

The Panels–where I met two of my new BFF’s–LA Banks and JR Ward. I’m just sayin’… LA Banks was on a panel with me and the mouthy MJD, the lovely Kelly Armstrong, St. Martins Press editor, Monique Patterson, and Cheyenne McCray (who showed up late and said it had to do with her hurt foot. I call she was off getting a pedi that went awry, but what do I know? I’m kidding:) I love me some Chey). I met LA in the elevator a couple of hours beforehand and I only knew who she was from her name tag. Go on–call me loser. Yes, of course I’d heard her name–but alas, I’d never seen her. Dudes, she’s killa cool. She let me whine about how I had no idea what I was going to say. I mean, the panel was about reinventing the paranormal. I couldn’t reinvent something if Einstein possessed me, ya know? But I hiked up my big girl panties and dove in. Yet I found, the panel was a freakin’ riot–and LA was pretty durned funny. MJD? Not so much? HAHAHAHAHAHA. I’m kidding. She’s a riot, too, and a good sport–she and I should not be allowed to panel or do anything even remotely panel-ish together. To call us ill-behaved is understating our mystical, mouthy powers

So the panels ovah–it went well–we laughed–we mocked–LA told stories about her family and how she’s based some of her characters on them. Toooo funny. As I’m stepping off the platform thingy, up steps a chic blonde. My publicist Ter is jumping up and down and in general moving more than I can ever remember seeing her do. I cock my head appropriately because I have no idea WTF–she’s now pointing at the chic blonde who then bows to me in “I’m not worthy fashion” and says, “Dakota Cassidy?” Me? I’m just thinkin’ all’s right in the universe, ya know? I’ve been addressed appropriately–so what’s the prob? LOL. Again, the kidding thing. Er, it was JR Ward–who knew ME. Uh-huh–ME–ME–ME. I’m as shocked as the next person. Next thing I know, we’re taking pics, and she, being the chic, blonde, awesome sport she is–primps for the camera with me. We fluff our hair, hug, and I now have a secret weapon against Michele Bardsley who’ll never let me live down the freakin’ Nina Bangs incident. Again, I don’t want to BRAG. LMAO. Truly, she’s lovely, and I think she has good eyes because she must’ve read my name tag in a matter of seconds to find out who the hell I was. And I’m secure with that. I only know, she can play, and that was golden

The Second Panel– ‘K, so now I have laryngitis (and I swear to GOD, if Richelle Mead and Mark Henry say one more time my husky, 1-900 wanna wonk hotline voice was just laryngitis again, I shall SCREAM. I have very few claims to fame–one of them is my voice. And it really IS husky, damn you!), and I’m kinda worried I won’t be able to lob back my snarks at MJD because yes, you guessed it, I’m on another panel with her. But today it’s with Cindy Cruciger AND Sandra Hill. You who read my blog know my crush is bordering creeeepy over Sandra and Nina. Soooooo I sound like Pee Wee Herman with the occasional Lou Rawls intervention, but I am DETERMINED to behave like a lady because, it is, after all, SANDRA HILL, people! Sandra, who came with a bunch of notes, thus making MJD and I look like we hadn’t done our homework. Sandra was so much fun, but alas, I believe MJD and I have scarred her. Have I begun apologizing yet–here’s where I start. Dear I’m So Not Worthy Miss Hill… Seriously–she was a good sport and I lurve her work.

The Last Panel I’ll ever be allowed to attend without a keeper– This panel included my pal Angela Knight, Caridad Piniero (ooooh. did I spell that right?), Patrice Michele, and Michele Bardsley as mod. Monique Patterson was there, too. She’s EVERYWHERE–like Visa. And let me add–she’s also an awesome sport. So I’m all listening to the vampire panel, but folks, truly, I was ass-fried. My voice was virtually gone, and I’m waaaay tired. I begin to nod off. Sigh. Had nothing to do with the panel members, it’s just my age showing. I swear. All of a sudden, Michele Bardsley (who might be on the borderline boot OFF my BFF list) declares I have a question. Which I totally didn’t, but had to make one up–thus leaving me looking like the tard I am. Not only did I confuse myself by my question, but a panel of exceptionally smart, authors. I have no idea where I was going with it–I only know Michele may find death far more becoming than remaining my BFF for putting me on the spot like that when I only had one eye open

The Balls–and not the ones I sucked at that panel. We kinda skipped in and out on winged feet. We got our dance on, then hit it. Erin McCarthy was in charge of the music, and it was the best in the five years I’ve gone to RT–guuuurrrl–you are HAWT! And, I made some new BFF’s there, too…

My New BFF’s–Jackie Kessler–forced her opinions on me, er, offered advice for my laryngitis (chicken soup, tea and honey.). Nice lady–can write. LA Banks–see above. Crazy cool. JR Ward–again–fab, chic lady. Mark Henry, my separated at birth twin, who calls me goddess. Dude is one funny mutha. He stopped me at the fairy ball and knew who I was, I wasn’t familiar with the face, but knew his name and that fab title I’m still gnashing my teeth over not thinking of first. He introduced me to his lovely wife, Caroline, Caitlin Kittredge, Richelle Mead, Jackie, and Heather Osborne. The Urban Fantasy authors were all at one table– who’re swell. I have to admit, I’m a lot in lurve with Mark. He’s brilliantly funny, knows how to play and all round shiny.
More new BFF’s–Selah March. Chic rawks. She’s such a lady, and whatever she says I just nod and go “Uh-huh”. Smart, funny, well-spoken, and above all, genuine. Lurved her. Want her to move in next door to me–even IF she has the yellowest bag I’ve ever seen. Yellow kills, BTW. Geoff, a male fan of mine–great, great guy. Maya Banks–cracked me up in the smoking area. Some awesome readers–Linda–Megan–Beth, and Blake. Been talking online with them, but it was killa cool to chillax and hangout. Cindy Cruciger–rocked the house when she moderated us at the panel on snark and has a wicked sense of humor. Erika–Cici’s sister–what a hoot! Lori and Space. Our married couple. I knew Lori online, but had never met her. Her hubby is the awesomest and so is she. Oh, and she sings like a bird. Which leads me to Ron and Jay–our strays. LMAO. Ron plays the piano and we were going to scream out White Snake, like the biotches we are, and I was going to do my Tawny Kitaen impression on top of the piano. but alas, if I spread my legs that far, there’s just no coming back They came to support their friend Mark who was once an RT romance model winner. We adopted them. They’re coo

The Funniest Story Evah Told–was by Renee Bernard, and I can’t do it justice cuz ya can’t see the actual visual. Let’s just say maybe Renee might consider getting her dance on in front of her bathroom mirror only–versus in front of VIP’s from like BEEG publishing houses. LOLLOL.

The Big Honkin’ Girl Moment–when my buds fought to buy a bottle of champagne (see below for Atilla the Waitress and Vlad The Impaler) from the hotel to toast the success of The Accidental Werewolf. Inspired by my pal Jaynie, I was toasted by all of my buds and they made me cry like the sissy-Mary I am. But without them, I never, ever would have been able to sell a single book S’riously.

The Accommodations aka Hotel California– Er, well, let’s see. They claim they weren’t prepared for us, but I just gotta say, is that a reason to slam food on the table in front of us like we knocked on yer frickin’ door and ordered you cook and serve us? Vlad (from Russia) was a wee bit annoyed with us all showing up on his doorstep, looking for some kibble, and I can understand that, seeing as he’s the WAITER and all. I’d be pissed if I had to earn a living, too. Tee hee. Atilla The Waitress was just a doody head. I’m sure other people had better experiences–or maybe they got their happy on later in the week. Which leads me to the heathen who designed these new rooms. First, they’re crazy small, which is fine because you spend so little time there. But there’s this thing called a flippin’ shower, and taking one is essential to drawing people into your smarmy book buying web. Had it not been for a lovely young woman in the smoking area outside–I’d have never known there was a way to turn the freakin’ thing on. So picture this: a glass enclosed shower with but ONE door to get in and out. Where’s the door? Go on, ask me. On the far side of the shit kickin’ SHOWER HEAD. Yeah, it was like that. I had to jump in, flip it on, then jump back out. Thus proving pilates is a friggin’ sham. Know what else? Whomever put the shower handle on is a sadistic mutha. Cold was hot and hot was cold. And so what if it took me like three minutes to discover that… Not to mention, the guy with the jackhammer at 8:15 every morning now knows what the word fucktard is There was a lot of dust, tons of disorganization. Oh, and if you hit room 1919, a non-smoking room in the Hilton, and it smells like smoke. Tough man-titties. I asked for smoking. Why ask if you don’t really mean it? LOL. I got a non-smoking room–haters. LOL

Biggest Transformation–Cici and Jaynie. Both lost weight and if they were hot before, they smoke now

And Still More New Acquaintances–Toni Mcgee Causey who had the best damned button at the con. It said: Shuck me, Suck me, Eat me raw. It’s part of a theme for her book, and I had the pleasure of sitting next to her at the bookfair. She was a sweetie. Helen Kay Dimon sat behind me, also a sweetie, and on the other side of me was the charming Katherine Caskie of the porcelain skin. Met Shiloh Walker who ended up with the same prob I had–laryngitis–she’s a sweetie, and so is her hubby

The Evening Temptation Party– with MJ and Michele Bardsley turned something that can get tedious for those who have to wait in line to have things signed–into a total free for all. And I just wanna publicly say–MJ started it. Seriously, I’m all sedately signing things, being my typically sweet, well-mannered self and that troublemaker MJ began writing mean, cruel, utterly contemptible things on the totes we gave away like “Dakota sucks rocks”. For which I retaliated with–”MJ needs to pluck her nostril hairs.” I’m just sayin’ it was ON–don’t come to the playground if you ain’t gonna bring yer lunch pail, girlie. LOLLOL. We actually had people get back in line so we could snark their bags. It was fabulousness! I was unprepared for it, but apparently, she’s done this before–which leads to…

The Retaliation–so Ter has this brilliant idea–let’s snark back. We take Jackie Kessler’s sticky notes and Michele and me write crazy stuff on it like “Fred tastes like chicken”. Original idea being, we’d sneak them into her books at the bookfair, but then, not knowing who’d buy what, we decided to hand them to her fans in line and ask them to tell her Bardsley and Cassidy said Helloooooo. LOLLOL. It was the best bookfair I’ve ever done MJ, being the lady she is, took it like a man. However, I fully expect a beat down–for which I’m fully prepared, MJ. I ain’t askairt a you. LMAO. Nah, MJ’s very, very cool and one of the most generous writers I know. She’ll toast your successes, and cry over your losses right with ya.

Best Stand In For A Publicist–Jaynie–dudes, she rawks! Ter was busy trying to locate Michele Bardsley’s books (OY–what a mess), so Jaynie took my poster board and Michele’s, too, and wandered with them. Because of that, she hooked us up with GQ mag, and Lux mag interviewed me. Not to mention, she fetched, ran, reminded, re-reminded me to do stuff, was charming, funny and brought me something to drink–all while being VERY patient with me. Truly, in Jaynie’s case, the definition of a real BFF cuz she has NO patience. LOLLOL

The End–I am wiped out, my friends. I had the best RT I’ve ever had, spent with my bestest buds, my man, who is always the best, made lot’s of new friends, and overall, enjoyed the hell out of myself. I can’t wait for next year. Off to work on my double chin–maybe MJ will loan me the cash for a chin tuck, eh? LOLLOL

DC

Soooooooo I leave for RT on Tuesday, and I’m in the middle of hell week at my house. Never fails, when I’m getting ready to go somewhere, the shit flies.

It’s been a busy week trying to finish up a proposal, deal with Uncle Harry’s funeral, not commit kid-i-cide, and get the house ready so I can come back and find it a complete mess.

However, I have some AWESOME boots to wear, and the cutest pair of heels. I found myself packing pretty light–I’m not doing costumes or anything, and the thought of dragging all that stuff through the airport kept me from doing it. I think the biggest bag I have is for product–go figure

I’m giving away two ARCs of Accidentally Dead, the second in the accidental series, based on Nina at the party I’m hosting with my bud Michele Bardsley and MJD. If ya like a good eyeball bleed, I hope you stop in and enter to win.

Anyway, if ya read this, and you pop by my table at the bookfair (I’ll be the one by the fabulous PC Cast, if seating goes alphabetically again, who’s skulking in the corner, peeking between the strands of my greasy hair. LOLLOL

If you just pop on over and say hello, I’ll do your color wheel for ya–because really, who should go on living without knowing the season of color that best enhances their skin tone and and hair color?

Hope to see you all there!

DC