Okay, so, as everyone who’s on my group knows, I had a book launch party on Friday. What was supposed to just be Michele Bardsley, Terri, and, Renee George coming to help my sissy ass get over signing stock in a bunch of stores turned into an extravaganza of planning this thing they call a book launch. Renee comes up with the brilliant idea that not only should I sign books, but I should READ the first chapter of the book, too… Like out loud…

Me personally–totally freaked out. I’ve said it before–I lurve a crowd. I don’t mind speaking to them/with them–I don’t mind interacting with them–Hell, I’d do standup for ‘em–as long as it doesn’t include having anything to do with ME.

So for the past, oh, I dunno, THREE freakin’ months, I’ve been fretting over this book launch/signing. I’ve been up nights over it–lost hair over it–have wrinkles because of it. But Renee, Ter and Michele are convinced this is going to be FABULOUS. So everyone arrives this week all excited and talking about all the fun we’ll have. All I can think is–this is gonna be sooooooooo bad. I moan, A LOT. No one will come. Who knows me in Dallas but my mother and the random checker at Kroger? People will mock and point and not before they leave the signing either. LOL.

All week long my stomach was in knots. Now, I will say, I feel a smidge better because several of the absolutely most wonderful, supportive chicas evah from my Yahoo group are actually flying in to attend. Amy came from Vegas with her friend the lovely Alana. Kaz came from Los Angeles, Ali drove from Houston. Knowing they’d be there brought a certain degree of comfort. They know me–they get me–they even LIKE me.

So I figure, worse comes to worse–we’ll have like 8 chicks, my two beasts, me, my man and some rawkin’ cookies from Starbucks. I told Michele Bardsley if no one came and we had all those cookies leftover–I’d shove them down her throat in the parking lot of B&N

Friday arrives and I’m a nervous wreck of jitters. However, via aide of a buttload of caffeine, my smoke filled lungs, my SPANX, and encouragement from my BFF’s–I’m ready. I’m tightly strung–I’m wired for sound–I’m feelin’ edgy (well, mostly that was because of the SPANX. They’re those damned nylons that have uber-control and if they were to let go–pieces of me would be flung all over the room) I’m HAWT, baby. In fact, I’m not just ready–I’m sooooooooo ready.

Or not.

We’ve been invited to dine at On The Border with the lovely ladies from the DFW Tea prior to the launch and I’m feeling so grateful because it means more familiar faces. So we pop on in. Now I know I can’t eat anything–not only because my stomach is a wreck, but because my SPANX will explode in a stunning display of Dakota’s flesh, flinging everywhere. The lovely Sara talks me into having this thing called a swirl–yes, it was alcohol. Whatevs. No matter that I’ve had nothing to eat all day–I figure if I pass out–I’m outta that book signing with a good excuse. Dinner was nice, though the waiter screwed some stuff up.

We head over to B&N at 6:15. We have on our festive T-Shirts the lovely Renee George had made up for me. They say fun things on the back like Dakota’s Dude for R, and Dakota’s Entourage–Dakota’s Kid. I have a pink one–soooooo in my color wheel–that says Dakota Cassidy–author of The Accidental Werewolf. We have giveaways like a webkins poodle in a lavender purse, a big basket filled with girly stuff and an ARC of Accidentally Dead. We also have props for my reading. B&N is a family friendly store and well, Nina, my potty mouthed character who’ll be in book two–is very, very fresh. She swears a lot. In fact, she swears 8 times on one freakin’ page. So Renee, Michele, Ter and my son Cameron have flash cards that read–”Oh, no, she didn’t! What a potty mouth. I can’t believe she just said that and the ever infamous–insert male genitalia here…” Cuz, well, Nina uses those kinds of words, too. Renee also came up with the idea to involve the audience by asking them to shout “woo-hoo” each time I used the phrase Bobbie-Sue (my made up cosmetics company in the book). In hindsight–she’s a frickin’ GENIUS, baby

Some people are starting to mill about while we set up. My kid and Michele put bookmarks and stuff on the chairs and get people to fill out the giveaway entry forms and I’m in a corner FREAKING out. Julie, the wonderful, fabulous, spectacular B&N lady who helped bring this together is setting up microphones and chairs and soothing me. As the place begins to fill up, I begin to think they’ve come to the wrong damned party. Clifford the Big Red Dog is due in for a signing, too, and I’m convinced they’re here for him–which would be the biggest mistake evah.

I’m beginning to panic–my heart’s jumping around like I just did speed all while R assures me it’ll be AWESOME. And then, the room begins to fill up–folks who flew in from all parts west and beyond arrive and I equate familiar faces with user-id’s from my group. Ter’s mom Elaine arrives and so does my bud Jose. They flew in just so they could see in person Dakota’s demise The DFW Tea Ladies in all their splendiforousness arrive, too. I also see some not so familiar faces–and they actually sit down–which makes me wonder if they think I closely resemble Clifford the Big Red Dog… and really, I’m okay with that. A warm body’s a warm body, right?

Julie, the lovely cruise director of this event introduces me and reads my bio–I get some giggles, so I figure maybe, just MAYBE this won’t be so bad. I know now I have absolutely NO CHOICE but to do this. I silently curse Michele, Renee, and Ter–I call them bad, bad names in my head. I call the people who gave birth to them bad, bad names, too. I think about how I’ll beat the living snot out of them with the cute new boots I got at the mall the day before if this gig goes bad.

I feel a calming sense of satisfaction at the visual of that in my head.

For all the times they told me it’d be okay–for all the times they told me I’d rock the house–for all the times they told me to shut up–I have a visual aid to get me through this freight train, careening for disaster. I’ll just beat them bloody

So I sit down, I intro myself–I ask that the audience participate in the reading and then, I don’t remember a whole lot after that.

Seriously.

But it went something like this–

I read. My BFF”s and kid flashed flash cards in the appropriate places. There was this one woman who had the best laugh like ever–and I remember trying to keep my composure because it was a riot to hear her. They woo-hoo’d when I used the words Bobbie-Sue–they snorted. Michele would tap my back when I was reading too fast–I looked up a couple of times and see we’ve drawn people in to our sick web of promo-hoing. I look up again and see more people–like to the back of the store. I tear my nylons because I bunced my leg so hard under the desk that I shredded them on the edge of the chair. I worry they’ll totally rip and I’ll pop out of my mini skirt like those cans of Pillsbury dinner rolls… But mostly I just kept thinking–my damned bra hurts and I want to take it off…

And just when I thought it was ovah (after all that glorious applause that Michele DEMANDED via flash card the audience perform), Michele reminds me it’s Q&A with Dakota–which I DO remember because I love to talk to people and I love to make them talk to me. I answered lot’s of questions–I coaxed people to ask me them, too. And all of a sudden it dawns on me that these people are here to hear me–ME? Crazy that, huh?

I sit down to sign books and people who heard me reading and our woo-hoo’s have come over to buy the book because they were laughing. The Starbucks employees come over on their breaks to pick up books for themselves and their other friends who’re still working. There’s actually a LINE–a LINE, people! Dude’s, I swear I couldn’t believe it. My brother brought his romance reading girlfriend–she brought her friend–all of my buds from the group and complete strangers stood in line to buy MY book. For the first time ever, I refrained from mentioning the eyeball bleeding they’re sure to experience from reading the book because, well, I was on a ROLL. I figured why mess up that Happy Meal the kids are gonna fest on from my royalties, yes? LOL

People are eating and talking and looking at my book and I remember thinking, I don’t have to kill my BFF’s–it’s a great day to be alive, eh? LOL.

All in all–it was good times–good times. I had a blast. I loved every second of it after I was done reading my own stupid words. Believe me when I say, it sounds soooo different in your head at four in the morning than it does coming out of your own lips.

Now I can’t end this without first saying–”Yes, Renee, you were right and I was so, so, sooooooo terribly WRONG.” Okay? I’ve done it publicly. Snort. Also, a huge thanks to Julie Rummel Hudson who organized, calmed and in general rocks at the B&N. To Julie’s hubby Robert, too, who also has a book coming out that I’ll blog about in a couple of weeks and most especially to their daughter, Schyler–darlin’, you rule and those purple balloons you took home are soooooo in your color wheel. Robert and Schyler sat through the whole reading and were so supportive afterward. Know that I’m in love wit yer kid–cuz she loves the color pink Also to Lyndsey (sp?), who whipped up some tasty treats from Starbucks and called the next day to see if I’d survived.

And of course, to my friends, Ter, Renee and Michele, who held my hand for a week–hung with me while I whined–and in general loved me anyway. My sons Cameron and Travis who helped in all ways at the launch, who were charming and never once burped out loud. The fab people who flew from all over to see me, Elaine, Jose, Amy, Alana, Ali, Kaz–and the DFW Tea Ladies.

You all made it a night to remember and I’ll never forget it

DC

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