Nov 12 2009
In Loving Memory
It is with immense sadness in which I write this post. My father, Robert, passed in the wee hours today. Unexpectedly and in mere moments, his life hung in the balance. He’d been unsteady on his feet for quite some time now, and had begun to use his walker much more frequently.
Monday night he fell and hit his head, resulting in a hematoma for which there was no surgery or magic pill to cure.
I’m only posting this because in return for all of the blog/vlog teasing my dad took, on the flip side, he deserves public recognition for the man he was, I hope I’ll do him justice with the following…
I’ve joked a million and two times about my parents and their seniors gone wild behavior–and I wasn’t lying. They drove each other nuts, and me as an end result. However, I’ve often forgotten in my snark to mention how devoted he was to me as a daughter.
I was his princess. It’s that simple. He was who loved to watch me compete in pageants, and primarily the reason I continued to participate. Hard as this will hit you, I didn’t enjoy them nearly as much as I enjoyed the pleasure he took in a good tiara coup 
My dad was who first interested me in ballroom dancing, long before there was ever a DWTS and it was totally not cool to tell anyone about. He often joked back in the day, he and mom could really “cut a rug.” I was sure he meant they cut it whilst they wrestled each other to the ground, but I think he meant they seriously rocked a dance floor He was who taught me my first of many waltz’s, and he was who drove me back and forth to my endless dance lessons, watched every recital like it was my first and attended every play I’ve ever been in.
In later years, when my marriage ended, he was who sat me down and finally made me to let go. Freedom is just around the corner, Princess, he said, and he was right. He was who came to this strange land called Texas to set up camp when things got so tight in my parent’s retirement village home I was sitting up to sleep so the boys had beds. He was also the first to offer up his bed to me when we invaded their space.
And just recently, he told me how proud he was of my writing success when reflecting upon how far I’d come since my divorce.
My dad and I were very different people. He knew it. I knew it. My folks don’t much get my sense of humor, so when my dad laughed at a joke of mine, I knew it was genuine. He was quiet, cranky and one of the most impatient men I’ve ever known, but the one thing I knew without a shadow of a doubt, was that he loved me despite our very different personalities. Because I’m adopted, he always used to use the hokey phrase that he and my mother had “chosen me” and it made me more special than everyone else to them. I used to roll my eyes back when, but I finally fully understood those words when I adopted my son.
My dad inspired many things in me, but today, looking back, there are some memories that must be paid their proper due.
My dad’s responsible for my love of Lawrence Welk and all those crazy bubbles they blew around at each show’s end.
My dad instilled my love of all things musical, most especially Broadway show tunes and Tom Jones.
My dad was who insisted I try all types of food and later in life when he moved in with us, watched Tyler’s Ultimate with me every day. We were fellow foodies, dad and me.
My dad was who held my hand when I first learned to ice skate.
My dad drove me nuts.
But on any given day, I’ve suddenly discovered, being nuts is better than being without.
Today, there’s one less person in the world who loved me without condition, someone that no matter what I did, would without a qualm, visit me in prison
Forever, I’ll miss you, Dad, when two-thirty sharp rolls around and Tyler’s Ultimate’s on. Forever, I’ll miss the gruff tone of your voice when you yell, “Princess!” Forever, I’ll miss the stupid Golf Channel and all those lame checkered pants.
Forever, I’ll miss you.
In your honor, Dad, I wish you deep and abiding peace in your eternal resting place. I wish you The Weather Channel 24/7 with constant updates on snowfall in Siberia. I wish you endless football games with the most awesome satellite reception ever and useless papers to tinker with while you watch. I wish you free of any and all ailments. I wish you an amazing view from all the way up there with stretches of emerald green grass and sandy beaches with palm trees swaying in the warm, tropical breeze. But most of all, I wish you the sweetest of dreams, filled with the warmth and gratitude of my love and our love for you as a family.
Until we meet again, Daddy…
My love always,
Dakota
77 Responses to �In Loving Memory�
Oh, Dakota. I am so terribly sorry for you and your family’s loss. Nothing I could say will take away the questions and doubts, I know all about those. Please know you, and your family, are in my prayers. God Bless.
Awww, babe, I’m sooo sorry
I know he’ll always be in your heart & mind. I’m sending you cyber hugs & healing thoughts at this most difficult time.
Robert was a character, all right, and he will be missed. Big hugs to you and your family. Much love to you, babe.
I shall miss hanging with him while he ate breakfast while visiting you. He was an awesome guy and it was plain to see how much he loved all of you even if him and Mom did need a referee.
BIG HUGS to all of you
Oh, Dakota… I’m so very sorry for your loss! What a beautiful tribute to your dad and the memories you shared. Ooodles of hugs coming to you, babe!
Dear Dakota, I am incredibly sorry for your loss. I will keep you all very close in my thoughts. Hugs to all of you.
Dakota,
That is one of the most heartfelt and moving tributes to a parent that I’ve ever read. I’m so sorry for your loss. All my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.
Dakota,
I’m so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you and your family. We all knew you loved your Dad very much and the love he had for you. You did him proud.
So much love and hugs your way
Dakota,
My deepest sympathys to you & your family. It was a beautiful tribute & one that me with a deeper appreciation of my own cranky yet loving dad. I will keep you all in my prayers.
Oh Dakota…My deepest sympathy to you and your family! He sounds like he was one awesome dad! Many Smooches and hugs!
Jennifer
Dearest Dakota… You made me cry today. *hugs*
What a beautiful post; beautiful tribute.
Lots of love. I’m sorry for your loss.
Kaz
xxx
Ah, honey, I had NO kleenex nearby! I am so sorry for your loss, that was a wonderfully touching testament to the love of a daddy and daughter. Love ya, Cici
As the others have said…the tribute brought tears to my eyes, and I know it was just one more small way that you made your dad even prouder of you if that were possible.
I’m sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers with you and your family.
Oh Dakota I am So sorry sweety :( That was a beautiful tribute. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
I’m so sorry Dakota. Many hugs to you and your family.
Oh Dakota, my heart goes out to you! And what loving memories you have!! He will be with you forever and never forgotten.
A big hug to you!
Sue
Dakota I’m so sorry for your loss. There is nothing in the world like a Daddy’s love. The stories you shared were beautiful! Thank you for including us. I’m glad my tissue box was close! Lots of hugs and prayers for you and your family.
Dakota, I’m so very sorry and while words can never express what we need them to, I know where you are right now. Your dad sounds so much like my grandfather that it’s not even funny. You were truly blessed. I hope you, your mother, and your boys are okay and if you need anything, I’m here. It just may take me a couple days to hunt Barry down for you (although, I know exactly where the Wayner lives).
Big hugs and lots of love from out west,
Amy, Troy, Taylor and Madison
Man you made me cry. What a loving tribute. I am sorry for loss and hope that the pain eases with time. Until then your in thought and sending a great big hug your way. It’s been almost 9 years since my dad passed and sometimes you just need to talk. If you do just know that my ear is always open.
You know I didn’t have a clue I would be reading this when I opened the blog. I always loved hearing about your parents. I’m so sorry for your loss. I have to agree with everyone else this was a fitting tribute to a great man, and one the that made me cry. Hugs and prayers to you and your family.
Big hugs Dakota. I am so sorry darling. Your post was touching and sweet. I am sure he was an amazing person.
I am so sorry for your loss. It isn’t nearly enough and for every time you have heard it you will hear it a hundred more. Thank you for sharing him with us
Dakota, such a beautiful dedication…I am so sorry for your loss. Love and prayers to you and your family!
(((Dakota)))
My prayers with you and your family.
I had to wait until I could see through the tears. I am so very sorry your Daddy is gone. But we are so lucky we had Dads that loved us so much. I lost mine in 1992 and still miss him so terribly much, but it does get easier with time. The love will always be with you. Big sloppy teary hugs to you and your family.
So very sorry DC, i’m crying for you. ((hugs))
I’m so sorry for your loss, he sounds like he was a great dad. hugs.
P.S. I’d not only visit you in jail, I’d bring you homemade english muffins, which as you know Alton Brown says are much better for prison visits than cake.
I’m so sorry Kota. Hugs for you and your family.
I am crying too. Dakota, I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Oh, Dakota. I am so sorry. That’s a lovely tribute to a good man. Big hugs to you and your family.
Beautiful thoughts, Dakota. I’m sorry for your loss, but glad you had him in your life. *Big Hug*
Oh, honey! *hugs you tight*
My parents used that phrase too, that they got to pick me. I thought it was cool until a boy in the 6th grade started calling me a Garbage Pail Kid. (Remember those?) I beat him with a dictionary.
Your dad sounds like a great man. No matter how different your personalities were, from the way you describe him- I can hear him in you. Love is thicker than blood and it’s obvious that he helped you grow into the amazing woman that you are today.
More hugs to you and yours, dollface!
Truly sorry Dakota.
After reading that I can only say, your father must have been so proud of you. That was such a touching recollection.
::hugs::
So sorry for your loss Dakota, but it sounds like you really did get to enjoy each other while you could. Big hugs and warm thoughts.
Aw, sweetie, I’m so, so sorry. What a beautiful tribute to you father. None who know you could wonder why he loved you so much.
Everyone,
Thank you. I really felt like Dad deserved his moment–I’ve certainly given him plenty in my snark. I owed him one out of nothing but love.
It’s been a long three days, folks, but he passed peacefully with family, and lots of love surrounding him.
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the love, support and well wishes you’ve sent. In his honor, I hope you’ll all give your dad’s a hug or a phone call just to say hello.
Much love,
Dakota
Oh, Dakota…I am SO sorry to hear this. And I have to say I teared up, b/c your dad sounds just like mine was–impatient, lover of Golf, but who always made sure I knew I was his princess. I’m so glad you had that kind of dad, too.
Much Love,
Tiffany
What a lovely, lovely tribute, Dakota! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
What a lovely tribute, Dakota.
My heart goes out to you in this difficult time. Mwah.
I’m sooo sorry to hear about your Dad’s passing!! What a wonderful tribute to him!!
Candle lit and prayers on the way! Hugs!!
That was a staggeringly lovely tribute. I am so sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your loss. I still have both my parents, but have lost the granparent who raised me and the greatgrandmother who taught me so very much. I love my parents even though they drive me up the wall and out the door. Your tribute to your father is extremely touching and does indeed convey just how very much you loved him and how much he loved you. I put you in my familie’s thougth and prayers. May God Bless You and Comfort You.
Louise
I’m so sorry, hon, for your loss. You’ve written a wonderful post in memory of him. I’m sending super cyber hugs to you and yours in dealing with this.
What an absolutely beautiful remembrance, Dakota. I am so sorry for your loss and so very thankful that you shared this with us. He sounds like a remarkable man. Lots of love and bunches of hugs coming your way.
Dakota, I feel for you and understand the loss of your Dad. I have lost both my parents. I was my mom’s girl and know that my sisters were dad’s girls. I never felt so hurt as to see the pain from losing my mom , but when my dad passed 3 years later it didn’t get better . My sisters understood the pain of the lossof Dad, like I was to Mom. I was there for them in their pain & my own . I loved both my parents and know God need them there so. . I know you will have times when you feel like crying and scream it isn’t fair , but trust me it get better knowing they are in God’s loving arms and wait for you , when it is your time. I will will pray for you and your family. For it is those left here to mourn that have the crap to go through, which you are strong and will know what to do. Let your other half hold you up and let your kids know you are there, even when it is rough. God Bless you and yours.
My heart goes out to my, sweetheart. You wrote such a beautiful, moving tribute. Thank you for sharing him with us. I’m sure he knew how much you loved him.
Hang tough while you need to. We’ll be here for you when you need us with hugs, sympathy, and dry shoulders for you to cry on.
my thoughts and prayers go out to you and the family for your loss
wonderful tribute- thanks for sharing part of him with us
take care of yourself
Sorry for your lost Dakota. I know you gained a very powerful guardian Angel. Thoughts and prayers to your family.
DC,
I’m so sorry for your loss and everything you’ve all had to go through. I lost my dad 6 years ago today. To this day, I do many things in his honor, or in his name, so that it feels like he’s still here with me in his own cranky way. May you find the way that works for you to keep his spirit close.
–Leslie
Awwwww So Sorry for your lost Dakota, Lots of hugs dear, wish there was something i could do for you.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank You for sharing this wonderful tribute with us. I’m sending my condolences, prayers and hugs.
(((HUGS))) and blessings, Kota, from one Daddy’s Girl to another. What a beautiful tribute you’ve given him, both in this post and in the person you’ve become and the family you’ve raised. Nothing could show him more honor than that. Take care sweetie.
(((HUGS)) and blessings, Kota, from one Daddy’s Girl to another. What a beautiful tribute you’ve given him, both in this post and in the person you’ve become and the family you’ve raised. Nothing could honor him more than that. Take care sweetie.
So sorry for your loss. I lost my mom on 11-21-04. It’s hard but always try to remeber the good times.
Robin
Dakota,
What a loving tribute to a wonderful father! My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family during this difficult time. HUGS!
Oh, hon… I’m so sorry for your loss. Love and best wishes to your mom, your boys and you.
Again, many thanks, all
I think Dad would have been pleased to know you all appreciated the blog in his honor.
Hugs to all,
DC
Such emotion came through with your loving, descriptive words. They painted a lovely picture of father and child.
Much love
My prayers go out to you and your family, Dakota.
I too was a ‘Daddy’s girl’. It’s very difficult to lose your Dad. But, he will always be in your heart, and looking over your shoulder. And you’ll get little Dad reminders now and again.
And remember, your Dad adored you as much as you adored him.
Prayers,
Pam
Dakota I am so sorry for your terrible loss. Your post was absolutely beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. Your love for your father is very apparent and he’s lucky to have been so loved by you and to have you as his daughter. I wish him peace.
Hugs. Condolences. Hugs.
it is a wonderful tribute.
Leaving you the kind of hug where we both think our bones might break. Tom Jones, football, and food — he heart was surely blessed
Dakota what a beautiful tribute to a great man im so sorry for your loss and my thoughts are with you and yours .No other words can really be expressed except to tell you im truelly sorry for your loss
(((((((((HUGS)))))))))
I’m so sorry. I know how you feel - my dad (a Robert too) passed away recently, and I miss him terribly. Thanks for writing this moving tribute, in a lot of ways, our fathers were very much alike.
Dakota,
Our thoughts and Prayers are with you and your family.
Your blog did do your dad justice.
That was truly a beautiful tribute, Dakota! Your dad was a very lucky man to have been loved so much by his Princess!
All my best and hugs,
Shannon McKelden
Dakota,
I am so sorry for your loss. I cried when I read your post.
I was adopted too, and my mother passed away 3 years ago. I know what it means to lose a parent, especially one who you know loved you unconditionally.
I wish you and your family lots of love, hugs, and support as you mourn his passing, and that you are able to remember all the good things and good times that made him so special to you.
Sending you lots of hugs & blessings,
Brandy
Oh Dakota,
My thoughts are with you and your family. I’m so sorry for your loss. My granddad passed away last month and one thing my family and I said was his motto of live to be happy. Your dad loved you and he will always be apart of you. So live to be happy, he’d want you to.
My sympathy and prayers to you and your family.
I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad! My deepest sympathies to you and your family, Dakota!
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
Pam
What a loving and honorable tribute to your dad. Relationships of any kind can be difficult, but the fact that you see so clearly both the good and the challenging…speaks very highly of the man that raised you. Thank you for sharing him with us. I lost both my mother-in-law and my father-in-law within 4 months of each other this year, so loss like this definitely speaks to me. May his memory always remind you of the unconditional love — it sounds like that was his greatest gift.
Thanks, everyone. I appreciate your words of support and love
DC
Oh, honey… I didn’t know!! I’m so sorry to hear it but that is an absolutely beautiful tribute. *so many hugs*
Dakota~
I am so very sorry for your loss and I apologize for not commmenting sooner.
Know that I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!
I just discovered your blog and I want to give you my condolences. I know it’s a little late but your blog touched me and has me crying right now. On April 19th it will be 3 years since my Daddy passed away and I still miss him very much. I loved your tribute to your father.
My Daddy and I used to get on the phone and discuss Dancing with the Stars every week. This is funny because my Daddy was the manliest man I know, yet I dragged him to Father/daughter square dances and he learned the waltz to dance with me at my cotillion. I know he loved me unconditionally, even if he may not have understood why his baby wanted to move to NYC by herself to become an actress when I quit medical school.
We will always be Daddy’s girls!