Okay–so, yes, it’s been a long while since I’ve blogged. You know why? Because I’m whoring all over the blogsphere for release month, and I’m sick of me. I’m sick of seeing my name, hearing my name, reading my name and if you’re sick of me, too–get the hell in line. LOLLOL

But wait. I’m not so sick that I can let this pass without blogging about it. I just gotta get this off my chest. Agree or disagree, bear with me…

Those of you who know me, know I love me some figure skating. Love it. I’m not so USA obsessed that I can’t see the value of another skater from another country. Not that I don’t hope for total annihilation to said other countries via mine, but mostly, I just appreciate skill and performance–even if it hails from frickin’ St. Tropez. I do. I can admit if we suck.

So I was a little jazzed to hear about Mr. Super Quad, Evegeny Pleshenko (or however you spell it. I can’t remember and I can’t be bothered to look it up. I only do that for the non-pansy asses :)) was back in action. I loved, and yes, cursed him on many occasion in his Olympic medal-palooza. I’ve been a bit out of the loop the last couple of years, and I wasn’t familiar with all the skaters in the way I once was. But I did know Quad-mania, and I was all woo to the hoo about him competing again.

And then…

I saw an interview with him via NBC just before the short program. I have no way to know if NBC slanted that shit, and I took Evegeny’s “I’m super rich (see my flashy car) and bored, so I decided to compete again because I know everyone’s scared of me” tude with a semi grain of salt. Yeah, I thought he was a douche for being so blatantly conceited. But I gave it up to him because he has a medal in every color of the rainbow, and truth be told, I kinda wanted him to win–even if he isn’t the typical kind of skater I usually enjoy. I like more performance than I do mere jumps. I like crisp, clean footwork that speeds across the ice. I like beautiful spirals, Beilman spins, and I dig a death drop–especially when Boitano does it. I also love musicality. And still, I was kinda hoping dude would win. I know. Bad American.

And then…

I watched the long program.

BOOM–Evan Lysacek beat that bitch down. I also thought Johnny Weir was robbed and those tards who commentated while he skated from Whereverlandia shouldn’t be allowed microphones–unless they’re sticking out of their asses. But that’s for another bitter blog

So here’s the thing. Super Quad knew going in what the new rules were, right? A quad ain’t what it once was back in your day, my tasty borscht soup, and there are deductions if it ain’t as pretty as it’s supposed to be. And let’s be honest, dude, it wasn’t perfect. That’s just the truth. It wobbled, it creaked, and it wasn’t technically PERFECT.

Evan, OTOH, did some pretty technically sound triple axels and triple everything’s that WERE almost perfect. Not to mention, Evan end-loaded his program with a bunch of jumps and didn’t just skate around, winking at the judges and the crowd, figuring he had the gold in the bag. You get more points like that, Evegeny. You knew it coming into this Olympics just like every other competitor. Also, let’s not forget, Evan’s serpentine footwork was pretty smack–yours? Not as much. I may not physically skate much anymore, and I could never do more than a wobbly single to begin with, but I know a thing or two about the sport after watching all these years. I know what it’s supposed to look like and what it isn’t. I know the jumps, the transitions–I. KNOW

I think the lesson here is strategy, baby. Evan had it–you didn’t. He wailed you in the end because he had a bunch of jumps at the end of an over 4 minute program with them

So okay. In the end, you got a silver medal. I was happy for you. You? not so happy, pappy. Jesus, dude–WTF? Next day I’m all hearing quotes from you that because Evan didn’t do your masterful rendition of the quad then figure skating’s not a sport it’s dancing for girls. Then your website depicts you with a platinum medal. Okay, so sure, the media’s had a hand in it, and they’ve exploited your whining to the millionth power.

However, there wouldn’t be anything to exploit if you shut your rich trap and sucked–it–up! OMG–you’re more of a sissy-Mary than any BQ contestant I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen, my European friend. I’ve. Seen. So do me a skinny. Please. SHUT UP. Get over yourself and dig deep in that quad-capable body for some sportsmanship. Get over yourself, cookie. I beg of you. I’d like to love you again–lemme do it in peace

Ahem… And in other news. First, my title for Suck it up, Princess has changed. I haz a major sad, but marketing said it was too YA and too chick-lit. I will admit, I cried. A. Lot. I vlogged the hell out of this. I worked a whole promo strategy around it, and I was crazy upset.

So, in a mad scramble, and more title suggestions than I can beat with a stick–we’ve decided to go song titles. Thus, Suck it up, Princess is now You Dropped a Blonde on Me. I knoooooow–I love it! That’s all thanks to my BFF Michele Bardsley who let me cry on the phone with her while she rambled options after I’d decided I liked the corner and my sissy-blankie Woot for BFF’s!

The kid–OMG–remember the joy I spewed when he graduated? The next time you’ll read that kind of joy from me is when he MOVES THE HELL OUT! If he doesn’t make a choice about a career and make it soon, the smoke signals you see in the sky will be from me dancing around the bonfire that are his possessions over yonder here in Texas. I promise you, I’ve told him a thousand times being a DJ and calling himself Little Crown T just isn’t lucrative, but so far, my advice has fallen on deaf ears. I wonder if he can DJ from his Kia in the Wal-Mart parking lot? LMAO

And lastly, I got another gig. Yep–those crazy accidentals have another installment in May 2011 titled Accidentally Catty. A vet who turns into a cougar who kinda IS a cougar ’cause she’s 40–HAHAHAHAHAHA. BFF Terri came up with that when I told her the idea. Genius, yes?

And now I’m off to watch women’s figure skating–you know, where we all play like ADULTS? LOLLOL

Dakota

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